How heard is my voice today? - Unleash Your Voice

1. When you are in a conversation with a strong emotional charge:

Most of the time you react emotionally (for example, you get stuck or freeze, you get angry or sad or you leave) and the discussion does not end harmoniously, it digs to painful points from the past or no positive conclusion is reached

Most of the time you struggle to keep calm and you manage to partially solve what you set out to resolve in the discussion

Most of the time you manage to keep calm and you can keep talking, staying on topic

You are always cool as the surface of a mountain lake and it is very easy for you to not only keep your cool no matter what but to also help others calm down if needed and keep staying on topic, without buildup of negative emotions, derailing from the topic due to past issues coming up etc. You always reach an excellent ending for all participants in the discussion.

2. When you want to communicate something very important to you, to which you don’t know how others will react:

Most of the time, you do not start a discussion dedicated to this purpose. You don’t think it’s worth the risk that the discussion ends in a conflict or discussion that hurts you or others

You rarely open the subject for this purpose. You try to squeeze into other discussions this important topic for you. You are either hesitant to fully communicate what you have to say as it might cause tension, pain or anger or you fail to communicate it in a harmonious way, in which all participants feel at the end that it was a very good discussion.

Most of the time you open a specific discussion to communicate that very important thing to you. Even if sometimes you lose courage and do not communicate completely or you lose your calm and allow yourself to be emotionally hijacked, by the end of the conversation you feel that you have managed to express everything that was important to you.

You have a standardized process you follow before bringing up topics important to you. You always follow your process and you always initiate communication on important issues, even if you feel the others might not be comfortable with the topic. You manage to not only bring up the topic in a pleasant way for all but also to communicate completely and harmoniously what is very important to you, so that the other participants in the discussion feel completely comfortable and at the end of the discussion you and the others, all consider the discussion a success.

3. When you find it difficult to hear something that others are trying to communicate to you (be it because it seems unfair, incorrect, harsh or because you are criticized etc.):

Most of the time you find it very difficult to keep calm and you get to a defensive or offensive area (you raise your tone, you get frustrated, you freeze, you cry, you get frustrated etc). The discussion can hardly continue on this topic as at least you, if not the other participants in the discussion as well, have significant emotional discomfort that gets in the way of effective communication.

Most of the time you either choose not to hear what they say, or change the subject, you control your own emotions in the moment so that the discussion can continue, but not in full depth of the topic or not by directly addressing the topic itself.

Most of the time you try to understand more about what the other person is saying, to see the big picture, to understand where it comes from so that it does not affect you too much. You have an inner dialogue that allows you to keep calm. You struggle to keep your emotions under control so you can keep hearing what the others are saying without reacting negatively. You don’t necessarily tell your full authentic opinion about the subject; your energy being channeled to maintaining your own emotional balance.

You have an emotional control system, a ritual that you apply every time to maintain control over your emotions, and you manage to listen to the others in full and to express completely and non-aggressively what you have to say on the subject, even if you are in disagreement with your communication partners, so that the conversation goes on in harmony. Each participant in the discussion maintains the openness to continue hearing what others have to say.

4. When someone is verbally aggressive or passive-aggressive toward you:

Most of the time you judge them or yourself, the discussion goes to a conflict zone or ends unpleasantly for one or more participants.

Most of the time you try not to take it to heart, but it affects you anyway. You have a mirror reaction to theirs. One or more participants to the discussion are left with a bitter taste.

Most of the time you try to express your disapproval of such behavior and say that you do not deserve it or that it is not appropriate. You close the discussion to resume it later from a better mood for all the participants.

It is clear to you that the other person’s behavior it not really about you, but about an unfulfilled need of theirs and you act accordingly depending on the context. You calmly express your empathy for their suffering and set a healthy limit on how it is ok for them to behave toward you. The other person’s emotional state is improved and yours is a state of well-being rather than a state of discomfort.

5. Read the expressions below:

“You make me feel…” “You always …” ; “ It’s your fault that….”; “ It’s easier for you to…”, “ It’s more difficult for me to…” “Always…”

In conversations with heavy emotional charge:

I often use one or more of the above expression

I rarely use the above expressions

I consciously avoid all the expressions above

I never use the expressions above